Sticking Like Butter on a French Chef's Pan

I remember when I first learned how to ride a bike. I got on and went. No reservations. All I desired was the wind flowing through my tangled mop of hair. Ready to see the world outside of my small neighborhood. It was a strange and exhilarating experience, one that I obviously remember today, 15 years later. My desires are checked now. Always holding back due to the horrible idea of being judged by those closest to me. Last night I had a dream about a land of great terror and beauty. Two opposites mixed within itself. In the dream, I was myself but as a great explorer. I had doctor capabilities and was checking the natives for disease. It was somewhere in the jungle. All I was allowed to do was to check for disease but a young child from the village came to me under a secret promise to her dying mother. She told me that the disease was fake, that they were pretending to get the people who were overtaking their village for profits out. They had a beautiful culture full of color and love. The young girl walked with a grace that few could attain in our own culture. She held her head high and was afraid of no one. She was strange to me in that she stuck by my side as I confronted the "colonists" who had invaded their village. She had so much faith in me that even while sleeping, I felt pride and hope fill my chest. A dream girl had given me what very few in reality had, faith in me. As I approached the colonists one had turned around and he turned out to be my brother. He took me in hand and said "Audrey, get out of here before you get sick. " I told him I was already sick and pretended to cough. In terror he tried to get me to leave but I stayed with the villagers. We had convinced them to leave the village before it spread to them. I wrote my brother a note telling him the truth be he only got it when he boarded the ship that would take him to the next village to overtake, the backup profit generating commodity.
This dream dosnt tell me alot like some of my other dreams. It is one, however, that I remember vividly. It brought a physical feeling while sleeping. I feel so stuck in this model that I made myself. Listen to others and their opinions. Stick through this and you'll make it. That is not how I was when I was young and happy. Although a long time ago, it still holds true. I shall try spontinaity. That sounds good to me.