She stumbled, no one came. Shes Come Undone.

It felt like the world was being centered on one point in my focus. One thing meant something else, my heart was racing, tears easily flowing down my painted cheeks, wind wiping my unsmiling face. I felt stuck, meaningless, an extra in my own film. I need something to pull me out of my frustration. I want this to work but it feels worse. My body is rebelling against my mind, my mind is moving north, south, east and west. I cant pull myself into one being. I should have been an actress. I can smile at the drop of a dime while my heart and mind war inside of myself. I want to have peace with myself and others. I want to let go.
I met a woman today on the parkway, the only place I feel safe and happily alone. Reality came to us both as we discussed the merits of God and his gift of free will. She asked me, after I had run to the shore and stood for about an hour, if I was running away. I told her, I have no where to go and I have no idea what I am doing. I don't know what had come over me, I never do these days. We talked about her first husband who had died and now she was married to this man who was 334 pounds and a waterman. They seemed genuinely happy as she played with her dog "puppy power". She told me that, in prayer, she got the answer of free will from God after her son had seen his best friend's father shoot himself in the head. She had told the boy that he did nothing wrong, it wasn't that the father wasn't strong enough, but that he had free will. I guess it makes sense. Then the woman told me, as an after thought, that she had been diagnosed with cancer two days ago. It was ironic enough that she told me this as she took a drag of her cigarette. Her reasoning for continuing smoking was that she was mean when she was not smoking. I'm sure I had an odd look on my face, for when she put out her cigarette, she smiled and told me that she was a cruel woman.
I always thought that when I met someone wise, it would be in the the woods in the form of an old lady with rags and maybe holding a lantern as she walked out of hole in a mythical tree. That is probably the consequence of having an overactive imagination and the overtime of reading fairy tales as a child. No, this woman, who blithely told me she was cruel yet asked me if I had anywhere to go, was wearing a pair of old weathered jeans and a knitted sweater. She was missing a couple of teeth and had the old familiar accent of Virginia despite her Arizona upbringing.
I dont know where I was going or what the hell I was doing on that beach. I dont know why I met that woman who was waiting for her son and waterman husband. I do know that she will forever be etched in my memory. Not for beauty of face, but of heart. She saw in an instant that dark thoughts were swirling in my head and that I needed human contact even in her darkest hours. We chatted for a long time, the unknown woman and I. It reminded me of my mother. I hope that right before she died, mom had imparted to a stranger the hope that this woman gave me. Odd, the one place I feel safe and alone and able to connect to my mom is the place to meet the most interesting people. I know she is looking down on this and smiling in ironic glee. Mom always had a sense of humor, even in her alchoholic mind.
Im suprised this had actually happened. Its something that I would normally expect out of a rather melodramatic movie or novel. Ironic I guess.