I never understood the intricacies of being lonely. It's a hard business and sometimes a vicious circle. Normally, those who are lonely seek out comfort in others and their company. I, however, draw into myself and push those who wish to be there far far away. It's not something to clear up by going to the bar or a dilapidated frat house to cure. Unfortunately, I am stubborn in my standards for a relationship. I don't want to "date" just to date and have someone. That means nothing to me. What the hell am I doing in a glorified high school that we call college? Its all the same and it never makes sense to me. I prefer my own company sometimes to a caveman like twit spilling his beer all over me and laughing when it makes my shirt see through. Not entertaining. Maybe I ask to much. Who knows. Its not like I am asking for the moon and stars, just someone to pass the time with and enjoy their company. Lord. I am lonely but that doesn't mean I am ready to open up to someone who may or may not break my heart. I know the feeling and it hurts.
On another note. I am terrified to take the small 10 mg. of anti depressants that currently resides in my drawer. If it is supposed to get me back to my usual self, how the hell will I know. I've been stuck for so long, I dont remember how I was before all of this. Curses.
On another another note... I love this cold weather.
Laugh alot and Learn too much.
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