Twenty and sunny.

Its bittersweet turning 20. Now I can say, "Yes, I am in my early twenties." For some reason that always sounded so distinguished to me. However, its hard to celebrate when for so long I didn't want to be here for this day. I was so close to the end that this continuing chapter, this extension to my story is something I want to hold dear but I am not so sure how to. The most I can do is be thankful for the fact that I am here. I am happy I didn't give up. I think it would have been the cruelest thing to do due to the fact that my birth was normal. Why don't humans fight to stay alive anymore? In fact, it can be said they fight to kill, not to protect. Isn't that what war is, the extinguishing of the enemy by any means possible? The miracle of birth is now so underrated in society and taken for granted by those who "accidentally" pop out a few kids. The lucky happenstance of a human coming to life is one we don't think about day to day. "I was born". That is something I have taken for granted for my entire life. What else am I missing out on? My purpose may not be set, my heart may not be captured, my eyes may not be entirely open but I am slowly coming to realize that for some reason, I was born 20 years ago and that is something I should never ever forget. I am here for a purpose, one I may not know yet or have realized but it is there.
Also, as I turn these numbers, I am starting to hear the whispering "tick, tock, tick, tock". The biological clock has started ticking and its already driving me nutts similar to poor Captain Hook's obssesion with the swallowed timepiece. Babies have become adorable, the idea of marriage dosn't make me shiver, seeing couples together and in love dosn't make me want to close my eyes and send a prayer of thanks up to the gods. Many don't beleive me that I have done a complete 180 in my thinking about the future, so I just don't tell them. It will be a surprise to them and to me what comes next and I am pretty sure that is how it is supposed to be.