If it was a quill and parchment, there would be splotches and stains. Nothing permanently written, just scribbles of a confused mind and an even more confused topic. My first scientific research paper is obviously not going as well as I had hoped. What would the ancients have done? Paper was scarce and so was the ability to write. Did they make as many mistakes as I do now? When they found their ideas so jumbled did they continuously crumple up their work and start afresh? I would have killed about 70 trees by now if I was a philosopher trying to state my views of the revolving earth. Why does my generation make so many mistakes in life? Is it the fact that we have backspace buttons on our computer that we believe it will translate to reality? Do we think that if we fail a test, we can hit an imaginary "easy" button and start anew? If so, I fear for our future. Earlier this week, after a comeback to golf with my dad, he made a good point about our generation and the mistakes we make so often. His generation used typewriters, not Microsoft Word. Typewriters are as unforgiving as Medusa's stone turning stare. Even as I write this procrastination blog I am able to fix the mistakes I make in my typing. I notice that as I type, I go faster and catch the things I misspelled and if I don't, a thin red line appears to tell me "hey, come back, your spelling sucks." Does this mean I am a constant mistake maker in real life; that I beleive in the power of the imaginary backspace? Dont get me wrong. I am eternally greatful to the producers of the allmighty computer and the almost black hole like figure of the internet; however, I am also left in fear of what is becoming of my view on my own generation.
Letting go of things has never been easy for me, especially mistakes. Always being hard on myself, I turn the smallest hiccup into a huge disaster and before I know it, I am swimming in tears. Although I have learned that this practice is a waste of time and completely irrational, I feel as though letting go of my problems and giving them to a higher power is just like the imaginary backspace. All my problems will dissolve if I just let go. All will be well. Well if thats the case, higher power, can you please write my 12 page paper on oral traditions in archaeological sites by Tuesday? K, Thanks. I know this is cynicism and of course I will get it done. I have this inate knowledge that tells me everytime, I will get it done. No matter what. However, I also have this inate feeling of panic the moment the paper comes into conversation. The moment it rears its ugly and somewhat odd topic head, I tense up and get lightheaded. This is a paper of odd circumstance due to the fact that I chose the topic (Oh that is something I beleive that has to do with my odd self punishment issues) and the fact that its from a perspective of science which is not my forte. Its a mixture I beleive of love and hate. I wait for the last minute because I cannot wait to feel the excitment of preasure on my neck. The writing gods breathing on my neck, whispering words of encouragment and sticking an I.V of caffine into my veins on the night before it is due. Ah, the great world of college. This is what it comes down to. The idea that my generation is one of mistakes and imaginary backspace bars is true; however, we are also a generation of more hope and more ability to let it go. Give it up and know that you are smart. You have the brains, use them. More encouraging, at least that is what I think. Good grief. I could have finished my paper by now.
