As a child, I thought that anyone who wore a beret was french. Today I wore one and remembered the childish thoughts and smiled. As they come back into fashion, I wonder if maybe in the second grade on Hat Day, I would not have been teased about my beret if they were fashionable then. I will never forget that day. It was a cold November and I was late for the bus. My seven year old hands were searching for a hat in the costume box in the attic. My mom was calmly telling me that the bus was leaving without me. I grabbed the first thing that I came upon and plopped it onto my scraggly rats nest of hair. I stepped onto the bus and that is when the teasing started. Andrew, my arch enemy ( and secret love ) was the first to say something. His hat, a baseball cap for the Yankees (evil empire ), was turned backwards and looked a little big for him. I don't remember what he had said but it was on that day that I realized that Andrew and I would never be sitting at the lunch table as man and wife, he would always be too short and mean. I always did that with my minute crushes. I would find all that I like about them and twist it to mean what I didn't want in my elementary days. Sadly, I still hold onto this wacky way of finding a mate, even at the age of almost 20. I suppose I do this in order to "not get hurt" and that is quite possible, however, I have no bloomin' idea as to what goes on in my head. Most of the time ideas float by like large people in tubes on the Lazy River at the local theme park. However, unlike the large people, I cant seem to hold onto them and let them flourish. My tools for introspection have been honed to the point of an ancient spear by the culture in which I was raised. It's not a fun business, constantly thinking, "What the hell is wrong with me and why in the world can't I stop thinking about the socks on the floor that I wore yesterday, I have a paper to write." Phsycologists would most likely diagnose me with OCD, whatever in blazes that means. I secretly wish that it did mean you were french if you wore a beret. Then the world wouldn't want me to act like an american and whine about my issues with myself. Its always nice to know things like that.
Learn and Love.
